Tradition
by Attiqah Gensui
Summary: Kenren and Tenpou have a discussion over who tops. Tenpou is not letting go of some of his... fixations. Continued in the Gojyo/Hakkai. Humor fic.


A/N. This is humor fic. Not to be taken seriously. I apologise for any spelling or grammar mistakes, this is a self beta. hates my html formatting. Any reviews are appreciated.

Crossposted over at my LJ. I thank Stalkerbunny for helping me out with this one.

Summary: Kenren and Tenpou have an argument over who tops. Tenpou is not letting go of some of his... fixations. Continued in the Gojyo/Hakkai.

Pairings: Kenren &Tenpou. Hakkai &Gojyo

Disclamer: Not mine.

* * *

"So pretty." Kenren murmured, slowly pushing the Marshal over his own desk. Tenpou was smiling, snaking his hands into Kenren's open coat.

"Shouldn't this be the other way around?" He stood, still with his hands inside Kenren's coat. "I mean, I_ am_ the superior here."

"Nuh-uh. Come on, it's pretty obvious that you are gonna be the one looking up at me looking down. Its freaking traditional anyway."

"How so"

He paused, thinking for a while. "Well. You have long hair. And strange colored eyes. And at least half of the men think that you are secretly a Sweet Poly Oliver. I'm the flirt, the ladies' man. _I'm _the one who _does others_. Other people _don't do_ me. I'm pretty sure I have short hair for a reason! See, they all add up!"

Tenpou took a moment to actually look at the General to check if he really meant what was coming out from his mouth. "You really believe all that seme/uke 'rules' floating around?" He started to laugh, pushing Kenren off him, continuing to laugh until he was wiping tears from his eyes.

Kenren just stood there, fighting the urge to put his hands on his hips and pout. "No, I read it."

"Read it? Where? This cannot possibly go any worse than it has for you now."

Kenren gave in, deciding to at least fold his arms. Hands on hips were like something... an uke would do. He was sure that Tenpou does that. At least once. Definitely. He looked down, gritting his teeth as he mumbled out, "In some of your manga."

Tenpou was out rightly laughing now; he had fallen to the floor and was beating his fist on his desk.

"Hey, stop it! I really liked some of those manga!"

That only brought on more laughter. "Which... Ones?... Wait, don't answer... I don't think I can take any more of this..."

Kenren was about ready to just pick up what was left of his wounded pride and leave until Tenpou stopped laughing and stood, leaning back on his deck with barely concealed disbelief.

"So the ones with long hair are always the uke? I find that hard to believe."

"Oh yeah? Like how so?"

"Goujun is definitely not uke. I can attest to that." He tapped his chin, looking away, eyebrows drawn together in thought.

"That dragon?! What? When?! Tenpou, listen to m-"

"Shh." He ignored the sputtering of his General, continuing with his train of thought. "However, Konzen is uke. I remember that one quite clearly. So we now have one case each for long hair maybe equalling submissive status. What else is there?"

Kenren thought about it for a moment, "Do you have one of those new machines in this place? I think it was called a komfukter, or something like that."

"Computer?"

"Yeah, whatever, lemme borrow it for a while. Ichiro taught me how to use it. It's okay, if you ignore the how ridiculous you look like staring at a box." He followed Tenpou's finger, going into the next room and starting to push the usual books out of the way. "Whoa, you got the latest model! How'd you do that? Where's the on button on this?"

The Marshal sighed, deciding to pull out a pack of cigarettes. Its looks like sex was not going to happen for at least another few hours. "Near the top left corner, Taishou. I got it from some shop called 'Fack Ing Plo Tholes' or something on Earth. Or was it 'Obvyyus Anac Hronism'? The Army gets their gun supplies from that shop."

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Don't worry about the on button, I found it." He heard the sound of typing and then the scratching of a quill.

"I have ball point if you want." Tenpou called out, picking one up and tossing it into the next room. He must have hit his target because there was an immediate yelp and a slightly irritated General coming out from the room with a scrap of paper.

He thrust it out at him. "Here."

_Rules for Uke. __He will have long, beautiful hair, feminine hips, feminine facial features, and will act like the most basic female stereotype (emotional, desperate for hugs, weak, delicate). 1_

_Not only society in general, but also yaoi fandom has the height rule - the "male" partner of the two (the one who gets to penetrate) is always the taller one, and the shorter one acts the "female" role (gets penetrated in sex).2 _

He watched Tenpou's reaction as his eyes travelled down the list.

Finally, he looked up. "My hair is not that long, as I said, Goujun has longer hair than me and he definitely tops." His eyes started to unfocus, and he bit his bottom lip, "And he looks positively delicious with his hair down, and it is so long and silky... And so beautiful... And yeah, he sure knows how to use those claws of his. Mmnm, an-" He was jerked out of his recollections by Kenren grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking him.

"Marshal, this is about who gets to top, me or you. _Not_ about some scaly prissy dragon bastard who gets on my tail as often as you _accidentally_ burn all the paperwork you were supposed to be doing."

"Well, I included some of your paperwork too. So suck it up and let me finish thinking about Goujun."

"No way. _We _are supposed to be having _sex _right now. Not _you_ fantasising about our _Commander_! Tenpou, listen to me!" He shook the Marshal again, managing to make him focus on him this time.

All he got was a reproachful look from him. Tenpou pouted, putting his hands on his hips, causing Kenren to mentally congratulate himself on his good thinking earlier on. "Yes? I was just getting to the good part, it was that time when he snuck me out from his palace and when we got out he s-"

"Tenpou!" He pulled at him, tipping his head up to kiss him. He made sure he had Tenpou's full attention when he broke the kiss off, whispering, "And no fantasising about dragons when we are going to make out."

Tenpou grinned, whining, "What? Not even a bit? What about Konzen? He reall-" Kenren kissed him again, this time undoing the buttons on Tenpou's shirt, figuring that if he kept the Marshal's attention on him, this dragon problem should stop.

It was when he tried to back him over his desk again, did Tenpou push him away. "So, who is on top?" But this time, he didn't bother to think, he just continued, pulling his belt off and undoing his zipper.

"I don't care. Let's just see what happens." He was already desperate for anything, anything to make him stop thinking. He already had Tenpou stripped down to his pants and glasses, and was plucking the glasses off when Tenpou grinned, grabbing his General by the shoulders and flipping him around.

"My dear Taishou, don't believe everything that you read."

"What?! You are one hell of a hypocrite, Tenpou."

A smirk, as he pulled down his boxers, "I know."

* * *

"Come on Hakkai, gimme three reasons why you should top." Hakkai smirked, pulling out a piece of paper from his pants pocket. Gojyo let out an exasperated sigh, running his hand through his hair. "Remember our number one rule?"

"Yes. No getting distracted by reading before, after, or during sex, making out or dirty talk." He glared at Gojyo, "Anyway, I found this in between the pages of a treatise on warfare at the local library," He carefully unfolded it and started to read, ticking them off on his fingers as he did so. "Long beautiful hair, check! Will act like the most basic female stereotype."

"I do not act like a girl!"

Hakkai cleared his throat, "You are always the one who wants to cuddle in the middle of the night. Check. And, hmnmn, height rule... Height rule. Oh yes, you are shorter than me by about a centimeter when you take off your boots. So, check! Thus, I prove that I should be the one topping."

"What?! Gimme that!" Gojyo snatched the paper from Hakkai, squinting at the scribbled writing. "Why are there so many doodles and sketches of this youkai guy with the braid?"

Hakkai scratched his head, blushing sheepishly. "I don't know who he is, but he looks pretty handsome to me."

"Anyway, _I _should top." He struck the piece of paper, "_You _are the one who does all the cooking and cleaning anyway. That's girl stuff! And... And... What if I put my boots on right now? Then I'll be taller than you, thus the height rule cancels out!"

"You want to wear your _boots_ to bed? Gojyo, this is not the army or anything where there is going to be an emergency or something at any mome- Jeep?"

"Kyuu?" Jeep flew in and landed on the bedpost. His head was down and he was looking straight into Gojyo's eyes. Gojyo just stared back, not too sure of what to say.

A thought started to form in both their heads, a slightly scary thought, but fortunately, after glaring at him for a few more seconds, Jeep flew away.

"Hakkai... Was it me, or did that dragon give me the evil eye?"

"I... Honestly... Don't know. But for a second there, I thought that he was..."_The youkai person with the braid on the paper..._Hakkai let his sentence die away as he considered what he nearly said. "Never mind."

* * *

A/N. I sometimes think that I should stick to angst. This was fun to write though. I may edit it at later points to polish up a few things.

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